A master at avoiding reality

Trigger warning:

Do you ever wonder how many times the Universe/God/Higher Power/Creator tried to hit you on the head with the opportunity to heal & you ignored it, pushed it down, discarded it, or for whatever reason you just weren’t ready?

I think about it a lot.
I talk to my clients about this a lot too.

I remember the first time we broke up. Nope..
I remember the second time we broke up. Nope…
I remember the third time we broke up. Nope…
I remember the fourth time we broke up. Nope…
I remember the fifth time we broke up. YAS!

In between there, there was self-hatred, body dysmorphia, negative thoughts, suicidal tendencies, depression, secretly moving out of the place we shared, calling the cops, getting a restraining order, losing close friends…

Can we let that sit for a sec?
This is so real to me, I am feeling it in my body as I write this.

Why didn’t I see it sooner?
One of the reasons was that I had been swimming in a sea of red flags for a long time, not just him, but my life.

I never felt protected so I didn’t know how to protect myself.

I shrank inward, got lonely, then went back to the limiting pattern of letting him back because I attributed ANYONE that would have me to love.

All the while making it really hard to have intimate connection with him, myself, & anyone else for that matter.

I avoided living a full life because it hurt too much to try.

If you can let go of the shame (just for now) of why you didn’t get it sooner, and grasp on to what’s connecting with you now, your self-kindest & self-compassion will move you forward to your next right step.

The most surprising thing for me currently is how the heck I got to where I am now.
Peaceful.
Joyous.
Free.
Connected.
Loved.
Adored.

I want you to know that I am just as special as you are.
We are not different in our potential.
We are the same.

All I did was allow myself to heal.
I want that for you but you have to want it too.

In big love,
💗Lilli