Codependency & Intuition

Greetings Magnificent Souls to the Attract Health Build Wealth Blog where we have open and honest discussions about ourselves.

This is a place where we break down, breakaway, and breakthrough codependency allowing ourselves to attract health, build wealth and live a peaceful life.

We are tired of being sick and tired. We are tired, but we are not giving up.

We KNOW that there is something magnificent inside of us.

Because we are fighting daily, hourly, and by the minute: fighting ourselves, our kids, our spouses, we have to do things differently. We have to break the cycle.

We don’t have a million chances. We have to be happy, NOW. We have to find a way. So how do we do that? How is that possible?

If you look around at what society is telling you, they’d tell you that what we’re doing is impossible.

Yet, it’s happening. Every. Single. Day.

It’s happening through the practice and love that we call Awakening the Magnificent Soul.

We are all Magnificent Souls, and these are our stories of healing!

We are talking, today, about codependency and intuition and how codependency can affect one’s intuition, and perhaps, we will even discuss learning to regain your intuition as you dive into self-growth.

But, before we get into the discussion, don’t forget to let me know your thoughts about this episode, any feedback you have, or anything you’d like me to cover on future podcasts at the Epiphany Vault.

Remember, you can share anonymously; it’s a safe place and I would welcome the discussion.

And today, codependency and intuition, how are they intertwined?

More and more, as I get into the study of codependency and to talk to others about it, the way that I am defining codependency is a complete disconnect from oneself.

The root causes of codependency and the way that it manifests in someone’s life varies. It varies greatly, but the basis of codependent behavior unequivocally stems from detaching and disengaging from true self.

And this self-knowing is important in life, in decision making.

This self-knowing informs how we live our lives and who we spend our time with, what job we take, how to raise our kids, who we vote for….

So many facets of what we do and who we are require conscious (or even sometimes unconscious) decision making.

That internal barometer of what’s going to be best for us is our intuition. In a book I was reading recently called “The New Codependency” by Melody Beattie, I came across this definition: of intuition, “It’s a radar that calculates what’s happening, what’s going to happen, and what we need to do.”

Relating to spiritual, intellectual, emotional, sexual, financial, and physical decisions that we have to make throughout our lives.

(And in the case of parents, for our children as well.)

Why is this important?

How did we get here, to a point where we might be detached from our true self or true intuition?

Well, let’s start at the beginning, and I will use my life and my experiences as talking points. Please note that your story is likely different (regarding the details) but the overall theme may ring true with you. Let me know at the Epiphany Vault your experiences as well.

Many times, we have talked about codependency, functionally, it is the act of caring for someone else more than ourselves. Hence, the self-disconnect.

For most, codependency is a result of coping with sustained emotional, sexual, spiritual, physical, and intellectual abuse sustained throughout our childhood. 

The severity or degree through which these childhood wounds were attained vary from mild to very severe, but the effects with regards to codependency are similar.

As we always say, these codependent patterns are so ingrained within our family functioning and systems that we are just pawns in repeating this cycle. 

Let me just say that this is really hard for me to talk about because I am not blaming my family. I do this, not out of ill will, but as a way to heal myself and help others.

My parents absolutely love me in their own way and did the absolute best that they could, but what I’m realizing is their way did not lead me to a healthy place as an adult.

This is the cycle that we are breaking here. 

This is the way it happens in our brains.

As children, we are acting on complete instinct and intuition. Our wants, needs, desires, emotions, and feelings are all driven by natural brain functions. 

For example, we cry when we’re hungry and uncomfortable. Our development until about age 7 highly revolves around these needs that we cannot meet ourselves. 

And, as we begin to develop, our emotions and feelings are taking shape as well. If we are surrounded by a healthy environment, those emotions and feelings (that are uniquely ours mind you) are embraced, nurtured, and encouraged.

It’s important to note, that in that way, there is no right or wrong, good or bad when it comes to our emotional development. 

Of course, children will have outbursts but they are coached in a respectful way to honor the child’s thoughts and feelings.

And, in turn, their emotional and intellectual being matures.

On the other side of the coin, though, in a mildly or severely dysfunctional household, with sustained disregard for a child’s emotional, mental, and physical well-being, the child quickly learns that his innate reactions to his world are “wrong.” Or he or she is “doing wrong” by CAUSING the dysfunctional actions of the family.

Over time, the amygdala portion of the child’s brain (the amygdala is what some people call the “lizard brain”). This is the first line of defense for action and was super valuable it times of physical crisis like in a predator/prey scenario. 

The amygdala, in our times, is like the quick reaction you get when you touch a hot oven on accident. It’s the OUCH! 

So, the amygdala is the filter for one's environment, and its function is to keep you safe.

And here’s the kicker, when we grow up in dysfunctional households, our amygdala gets confused. Remember, the amygdala is the first line of defense, so after continued points of abuse (remember mild to extremely severe), the amygdala is being used way more often than it should.

So, instead of a healthy household in which a child is surrounded by environments (spiritual, intellectual, emotional, sexual, financial, and physical) in which he feels safe, in a dysfunctional household, he feels unsafe. 

The amygdala is activated and he or she copes or finds a way, inside his brain to feel safe. 

Continued coping, repressing true feelings, thoughts, etc. creates a disconnect in oneself. 

For me, my emotional growth was stunted by discouraging my emotional development. I don’t remember ever being encouraged to have feelings or having good examples of emotional maturity. And, in fact, if I wasn’t happy or smiling frequently, it was deemed negative.

Not only did actually FEELING become hard in my adult life but EXPRESSING feelings became, secondarily, even harder. 

There was some mild sexual abuse that my siblings and I were subject to which led me to have an unhealthy relationship with sex. Sexual boundaries, in our household, were thin.

And, in turn as an adult, I searched for love and connection through sex, which, as I know now is completely unhealthy.

There are other instances of sustained dysfunction that I endured, but over time, and, now, as an adult, I know now that my codependency was a learned behavior. My life, up until now, has been dictated by my environment.

So, getting back to intuition, can you see now how codependency can affect your intuition?

In a healthy environment, intuition is your true you. You are able to consciously tap into those decision-making centers and healthy houses available in all of your brain.

But, if we grew up in a threatening environment, our true intuition was cut off; because we have been making decisions based off our amygdala (basically how our actions would affect our environment) and keeping ourselves “safe.”

Intuition is key in ALL PARTS OF OUR LIFE, but, here we talk about relationships and codependency.

And, if you’ve ever wondered why you’re always attracted to an unhealthy person or you continue a relationship with someone in an unhealthy way, it’s because your intuition is off, but it’s not your fault.

Because of the scenarios that we talked about before, your intuition (your feeling/thinking response) has been conditioned.

They have been conditioned in too many ways, specifically, to talk about today.

But some examples are not seeing people for who they truly are, not catching any “red flags,” ignoring potential relationship issues, trying to control everything about your environment because you are so out of control internally, or helping and giving way too much (at a detriment to you).

In all of this, your intuition is telling you it’s the right thing to do, but in reality, it’s completely unhealthy and toxic to your well being.

Let’s take a breath.

Is your mind blown or all you still processing?

If you’ve gotten this far, I may be touching a nerve, and I think that’s awesome because you have connected with something here. The first step, done; that’s an amazing feat in recognizing.

What we need to do, now, is re-teach our brain on how to work and the way that I’ve been doing that is analyzing everything about my life. 

In addition to daily Soul Maintenance, when I make decisions, I take a moment to assess the decision. I use my journal and I would highly recommend that for you as well. 

For example, if my knee-jerk reaction is anxiety, I take a moment to write out the way I’m feeling, and then the rule of 5, I ask why why why why why to funnel down to the root feeling/emotion that is driving that anxiety.

It’s such a freeing experience.

The miraculous thing that has been happening with me is that when I continue to ask myself why, why I’m attracted to this person, or why I want to do a certain action; the root cause is typically unhealthy.

I know that this is something that I am going to have to do for the rest of my life, but I promise you, when you open up the door for introspection, you will never go back.

It won’t happen overnight but think about the decades and decades of training we had to get to where we are today.

Let’s work that intuition muscle for us now.

I would really like to hear what you think about your intuition or use the Epiphany Vault to journal out some things. 

Much love you to Magnificent Souls.

Livin’ and Lovin 💗,

Lilli