Dominant & Submissive Personality Types in Codependent Relationships

Greetings Magnificent Souls to the Attract Health Build Wealth Blog where we have open and honest discussions about ourselves.

This is a place where we break down, breakaway, and breakthrough codependency allowing ourselves to attract health, build wealth and live a peaceful life.

We are tired of being sick and tired.

We are tired, but we are not giving up.

We KNOW that there is something magnificent inside of us. Because we are fighting daily, hourly, and by the minute: fighting ourselves, our kids, our spouses, we have to do things differently.

We have to break the cycle.

We don’t have a million chances. We have to be happy, NOW.

We have to find a way.

So how do we do that? How is that possible?

If you look around at what society is telling you, they’d tell you that what we’re doing is impossible.

Yet, it’s happening.

Every.

Single.

Day.

It’s happening through the practice and love that we call Awakening the Magnificent Soul.

We are all Magnificent Souls, and these are our stories of healing!

Today, in Episode 18, I wanted to touch on the two different personality types that are present (typically) in a codependent relationship. One of the dominant and one of the submissive.

But, before we get into the discussion, don’t forget to let me know your thoughts about this episode, any feedback you have, or anything you’d like me to cover on future podcasts at the Epiphany Vault.

Remember, you can share anonymously; it’s a safe place and I would welcome the discussion.

In a typical codependent relationship, there is an interplay between the more dominant personality and the more submissive personality.

Again, this is typical, but I have seen instances whereby there are two dominant people or two submissive people in a relationship, but a majority of codependent relationships have one submissive person and a dominant person.

First, let me say that we are not getting into the sexual side of subs and doms. One, because I have no experience in this and I haven’t researched it, and two, I think it’s a subject for another post.

But, what we are going to explore today are the dynamics of a codependent relationship, how they interplay with each other and we will identify some characteristics for each personality.

So, let’s stop and think for a moment.

Let’s think about your household, your family of origin…

Can you recall a more dominant/over-ruling personality? Or one that was more acquiescing or submissive? 

I can, definitely, absolutely.

My house was a “my house, my rules” type of environment. 

I heard often “Do as I say, not as I do.”

In hindsight, I can see now that our whole family personality, reactions, emotions would sway and swing with the mood of the dominant person. 

I saw the dominant personality in our house not have to live up to the same rules and morals in which we were held accountable.

And, more so, I saw the submissive personality being kind of a doormat with little boundaries and say in the situation.

It’s so interesting to think about this now, about how my relationships had, in the past, mirrored this dominant/submissive dynamic.

In that childhood environment, my needs, emotions, and feelings were not recognized because a lot of the energy expenditure was based on the whims of the dominant personality.

So, how confusing was that as a child? 

When I spent so much time and energy floating with the whims and emotions of the dominant in the family, my personal power and, in turn, my self-worth and self-love was diminished. (and not encouraged to develop and grow). 

Therefore, in my adult days, it was hard to distinguish between love and power.

If someone exerts power over me, that means they love me, right?

Um, no, wrong.

I, obviously, am the more submissive personality, but it works the other way as well; more dominant personalities develop in childhood WHEN a child sees that power equals love.

So, to feel safe and secure, they learn to dominate and exercise power over others. This is how a dominant personality develops.

Many times, for dominant personalities, vulnerability equates to weakness and the need and want to control really stems from a lack of encouragement for healthy emotional development in childhood.

So, when submissive and dominant types get together, they are only perpetuating the example they were given in childhood.

The submissive equates love with over-caring while the dominant equates love with power and the ability to control.

This relationship becomes so toxic that these personalities feed off of each other.

Submissives are empathetic, compassionate and choose to see the best in others.

Dominants will use this to make the submissive feel inconsequential and more dependent on them. 

What I think is the most interesting, is that these are not conscious behaviors or acts, but these traits are so ingrained in us that it’s just a natural attraction.

Submissive personalities typically have difficulty identifying what they are feeling.

Dominant personalities often lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.

This results in the submissive absorbing the feelings of others (in most case the dominant personality and other close parties) and making it their own.

There are sooooooo many different dynamics in this type of relationship that I won’t dive into all of them now, but what I wanted to do today was to get you thinking about your life.

Do you identify with any submissive or dominant patterns?

I have a good resource that lists Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence that I am going to link in the show notes.

Do any of those resonate with you? I would love to hear what you are thinking about this at the Epiphany Vault.

Doing this exercise is one of the best things you can do to heal yourself and your relationships.

Self-awareness is key.

It’s more than key, it’s essential.

I look forward to hearing from you and see you soon, Magnificent Souls.

Livin’ and Lovin’💗

Lilli

P.S. If you are feeling stuck in having a healthy relationship, I encourage you to set up a complimentary call at to see if Align into Authenticity is the right fit for you. Click here. Are you ready to figure out what the missing link is to your intimacy?