When is now the best time to start living?

I used to be convinced, “I don’t care what other people think.”

I was lying.
To myself.
And to the world.

In reality, I cared.
Too much.

I was lying to protect myself.
I knew that if I opened up in any way, that would be too damn scary.
It would almost feel like I was dying or in extreme danger.

So I walled up and pushed out instead of looking in.

My unhealthy relationships gave me so much anxiety because I never felt secure in them.

I felt their shame & embarrassment.
Annnnddd…it felt shitty.
It wasn’t mine, but it sure felt like it.

For many years, my life was lived in the context of others.
If they did _______, I would do _________.

I would have a plan for every bad thing that might happen.
Or, I would have a plan to keep everyone around me happy.
That form of control was predictable & it became second nature.

My life revolved around the actions of other people. This was the way it had always been.
Safety was in the familiar & I got VERY used to taking on adult responsibilities as a young child.

My breaking point was when I realized that I had no more say in my life.
I was confused.
I suddenly woke up & didn’t know myself OR my intuition.

This was the crossroads: die inside or step into living.
I decided to live.

On the other side of healing, I am aligned with my mind, my body, my heart, & my soul.

I know what my values are.
I know what & who is good for me.
I know how to trust my intuition instantly.
I know how much I am loved.
I know how my relationships can fulfill my life’s purpose.
I know how to ask for what I need.
I know am worth every ounce of love, energy, & faith I can receive.

I have made space for the goodness I’ve always wanted through healing.

There is no lack of love in this world.
I promise.

If you feel that deep down, you can have it too.
Your desires are worthy & so are you.

In big love,
💗Lilli