The Lies

Greetings Magnificent Souls to the Attract Health Build Wealth Blog where we have open and honest discussions about ourselves. 

This is a place where we breakdown, breakaway, and breakthrough codependency allowing ourselves to attract health, build wealth, and live a peaceful life.

We are tired of being sick and tired.

We are tired, but we are not giving up.

We KNOW that there is something magnificent inside of us.

Because we are fighting daily, hourly, and by the minute: fighting ourselves, our kids, our spouses, we have to do things differently. 

We have to break the cycle. We don’t have a million chances. We have to be happy, NOW. We have to find a way. So how do we do that? How is that possible?

If you look around at what society is telling you, they’d tell you that what we’re doing is impossible. 

Yet, it’s happening. 

Every. 

Single. 

Day. 

It’s happening through the practice and love that we call Awakening the Magnificent Soul.

We are all Magnificent Souls, and these are our stories of healing!

Today, a codependent characteristic that I found while reading some of Melody Beattie’s work and that is that codependents cover up, lie, and protect the problem.

So, I wanted to explore that a little bit today.

But, before we get in to the discussion, don’t forget to let me know your thoughts about this episode, any feedback you have, or anything you’d like me to cover on future podcasts at the Epiphany Vault. 

Remember, you can share anonymously; it is a safe place and I would welcome the discussion.

When I first started to think about this codependent characteristic, covering up, lying and protecting the problem; honestly, it was hard to conceptualize.

At first I thought about my codependent others and tried to wrack by brain about when/how I would do that.

It was hard because I am deeply a truly honest person; even in my relationships, I am brutally honest. I was thinking to myself, when did I ever cover up or lie for him?

After all, unlike a lot of you listeners out there, my codependent significant other was not a substance addict. But, I know I’m generalizing here, our relationship manifested as if he was.

It was a mutually codependent match as if the codependent stars aligned and our pain bodies were attracted to each other. 

Note: I AM NOT romanticizing this phenomenon, but if you’ve ever wondered why you attract the same types of people; this is what I’m talking about.

So, as I’m trying to put the characteristics of lying and covering up into context in my life.

I’m thinking: What is the problem?

Is the problem someone else, our codependent other for example?

Well, it seems that way, doesn’t it?

He or she is this or that (insert negative descriptive here).

He or she just doesn’t get it.

He or she just doesn’t understand me.

He or she is so uncaring and mean.

I can’t tell anyone about this; it’s so embarrassing.

I’ve already burned all my bridges and I have no one left to talk to about this.

I don’t really feel like he or she loves me or gives a shit about me.

And we could go on and on and on.

I didn’t like the way this was making me feel. Of course, it was all of those things, but it felt like blaming to me.

And, then, I came to the realization that it didn’t feel right to me because, in the end, I knew it wasn’t true.

Sure, he was all of those things, sure he made me feel all of those things, but he wasn’t the problem.

Then, what is the problem that codependents lie and cover up if it’s not someone else?

Could it be ourselves?

Could we be lying to ourselves?

And, then, ta da! My epiphany.

That’s exactly it.

The lying and the covering up we do. We do it overtly which is in reaction to our codependent other, of course, but more subversively, we are lying to ourselves.

I seriously did not realize this until now but:

I lied about my happiness. I lied to myself. I lied to others about how happy I was.

I lied to myself.

I was deeply deeply unhappy, but was so used to disconnecting my feelings from myself; I was straight lying.

I lied about the love I had for him. The love I had was not a healthy, beneficial or reciprocal love. 

I lied to myself.

These lies were, in essence, I massive cover up scheme to appear perfect and well on the outside, but really dying on the inside. 

The day that suicide reached out to me, that I was the day that I realized: me.

Not me, as the problem; but me as the solution!

Bingo.

It always has been me. 

So, now, that I hit that on the head, I thought, why?

How did I get here? Why do I cover up my true feelings, why did I lie to myself?

We’ve talked a few times on the podcast here about our families of origin and how we are conditioned to seek codependent relationships, to continue that dysfunctional cycle.

So, no need to rehash that again, but many times, we are ashamed of our attachment to dysfunction and with our relationship with our codependent other.

We know that it’s unhealthy but we just can’t seem to break away.

We just can’t seem to be happy.

We are so shamed that we lie: to our damn selves, by our damn selves.

How counterintuitive is that? 

If it sounds like it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t.

This is the cycle that we’re breaking!

This self deception that we are experiencing day in and day out has less to do with our codependent other and more and more to deal with ourselves.

This degenerative process eats and eats away at our self esteem.

We lie - we unconsciously know that we lie - we hate ourselves.

And so the cycle goes.

And so the feeling of unworthiness compounds on itself.

Unworthiness of love.

Unworthiness of respect.

This is what it means as a codependent characteristic.

We are so disconnected from ourselves that we lie to ourselves to fake a connection.

We are so lost in the mire of codependency.

Magnificent Souls, this is the what and the why.

Now, this is the best part about this conversation, is that if this touched you deeply; if you recognize these characteristics in yourself, you are opening up the door to your awakening.

Bringing those subconscious tendencies to the forefront, into the conscious, we are labeling them and starting the break away process.

Get out your journals or head over to the Epiphany Vault, Magnificent Souls, and let it flow.

Until next time.

Livin and Lovin 💗

Lilli