"Walking on Eggshells" 🥚

Greetings Magnificent Souls,

Welcome to the blog, where we have open and honest discussions about ourselves.

This is a place where we breakdown, breakaway, and breakthrough codependency allowing ourselves to attract health, build wealth, and live a peaceful life.

We are tired of being sick and tired. We are tired, but we are not giving up. We KNOW that there is something magnificent inside of us.

Because we are fighting daily, hourly, and by the minute: fighting ourselves, our kids, our spouses, we have to do things differently. We have to break the cycle. We don’t have a million chances. We have to be happy, NOW. We have to find a way. So how do we do that? How is that possible?

If you look around at what society is telling you, they’d tell you that what we’re doing is impossible. Yet, it’s happening. Every. Single. Day. It’s happening through the practice and love that we call Awakening the Magnificent Soul.

We are Magnificent Souls, and these are our stories of healing!

Today, we will be discussing a phenomenon that shows up multiple times in my relationships, and, interestingly, sometimes on both sides, and that is the feeling of “walking on eggshells.”

Which, in my experience, can be emotionally debilitating and acting as fuel for anxiety and stress.

Before we get into the discussion, don’t forget to let me know your thoughts about this episode, any feedback you have, or anything you’d like me to cover on future podcasts at the Epiphany Vault. Remember, you can share anonymously; it’s a safe place and I would welcome the discussion.

Sooo, “walking on eggshells,” seems to be an American colloquialism, but also very relevant in the discussion of codependency.

In my relationships with my partner and, my relationship, with my father, or really, anything giving me tension like a roommate situation, for example, it played out as an extreme and acute psychological state in which I felt as if I had to be VERY careful to not upset someone or make them angry. 

I’ve taken alternate routes at home, or in the office, to avoid “setting someone off” or triggering anger directed towards me, or life, in general.

It seemed as if little things would/could set him off and his reactions didn’t make sense and didn’t line up with the situation.

I noticed myself taking on the responsibility of his mood and projecting it onto myself. If I was failing at keeping him (I’m going to say him here but the person we are referring too could be in a work situation, romantic, platonic, etc) happy, then I wasn’t happy. Therefore, my actions were thwarted and convoluted based on someone else.

And, in turn, that made me less and less self-confident because there was really nothing I could do besides “tip toe” around or diminish my voice.

In my case, instead of communicating the stress that this type of interaction was causing, I would avoid confrontation at all costs because I wasn’t sure how the conversation would end up, if I was going to be heard, or if I even had the courage and self-esteem to stand up and explain myself clearly.

I remember being in a constant state of anxiety that either I had done something wrong or that I was going to in the future.

It was really hard for me to chill out when around a stronger codependent personality. I always felt like it was my responsibility for his mood, if he was happy, then I was happy and was doing a good job if he was unhappy, I would try anything to make him happy, and if it didn’t work, then I was a failure.

But, the constant pressure to be on my toes, was seriously harmful to me because I was masking all of my true wants and desires and placing a priority on his before mine.

So, if any of these ring true in your life, you’re not alone.

Why is “walking on eggshells” a codependent characteristic in relationships?

In all of these examples, some could argue “that’s just a relationship.” True. But, as we have talked about before, codependency is a state of extremes. Extreme fear and extreme shame.

Typically a codependent relationship relies on a person being the more controlling and dominant personality while the other tends to be more timid and submissive. 

Walking on eggshells happens because of the erratic behavior of the dominant codependent. The louder person can anger easily and seems to get mad at mundane things. Sometimes, even, the louder personality will call the other names and be verbally abusive. 

As time goes by, the other, timid personality learns that there is no real way to determine the mood of the other. And, the codependency really shines because the timid one is a true people pleaser and really tries to “own” the mood of the other. Meaning, it is my responsibility to make my husband happy. I’ve thought it, I wonder if you’ve thought it too.

The anticipation of how my actions would either “succeed” or “fail” in that aim leads, after a while, to a deep fear of taking any action at all: leading to walking on eggshells.

One step further down the codependency dysfunction, for me, at least, would be a deep shame for acting like that. 

For knowing that what I was doing was wrong, for me. And for failing to succeed. 

So, what can we do about it? Most of you know that one reason that I’m doing this podcast is my desire to tell my story and if I can just help one person, that payoff is priceless. 

If this is something that you see in your life, what can we do advance past these behaviors?

I think the first thing to think about and really own is the realization that this constant beratement and bombardment of your being has really taken you down low, to a place of self-hatred. 

We have to own that the “something” in there is something wrong here is YOU and how you feel about yourself. What I would not recommend is placing the blame on the other person? Again, that lends too much validity and energy to what we’re trying to detach from in a codependent scenario.

After recognizing this, now, we begin to work on ourselves. If you’re wondering what I do to keep up on my Soul Maintenance, check out Episode 6 as this is a constant work in process and should be the first thing on your list, always.

So, my question for you, Magnificent Souls, what is your Soul Maintenance? How are you building up your Soul Reserve and therefore your self-love and self-worth?

Let me know at the Epiphany Vault.

I hope that this has been helpful. See you next time.

Livin & Lovin