Control, Codependency, & The Coronavirus

Greetings Magnificent Souls to the Attract Health Build Wealth Blog where we have open and honest discussions about ourselves. 

This is a place where we breakdown, breakaway, and breakthrough codependency allowing ourselves to attract health, build wealth and live a peaceful life.

We are tired of being sick and tired. We are tired, but we are not giving up. We KNOW that there is something magnificent inside of us.

Because we are fighting daily, hourly, and by the minute: fighting ourselves, our kids, our spouses, we have to do things differently. 

We have to break the cycle. We don’t have a million chances. We have to be happy, NOW. We have to find a way. So how do we do that? How is that possible?

If you look around at what society is telling you, they’d tell you that what we’re doing is impossible. 

Yet, it’s happening. 

Every. 

Single. 

Day. 

It’s happening through the practice and love that we call Awakening the Magnificent Soul.

We are all Magnificent Souls, and these are our stories of healing!

Today, a little break in the control series for a bonus episode about mental health during the corona isolation and quarantine, a little update about what’s been going on with me. And just an overall check-in.

But, before we get into the discussion, don’t forget to let me know your thoughts about this episode, any feedback you have, or anything you’d like me to cover on future blogs at epiphanyvault.com

Remember, you can share anonymously; it is a safe place and I would welcome the discussion.

So, first off, I know it’s been a while. Since the last entry, I have picked up a second job and that has been a serious time and energy commitment. Although I did it to pursue some goals, I haven’t quite been able to find a balance of pursuing that goal and keeping up with the things that I love to do which is the podcast, blogs, and writing my book.

That’s another codependency theme, isn’t it? Balance….

We’ve talked about it before, but I firmly believe that when things are out of balance, that’s when it gets weird.

And, to be honest, that has been happening with me lately. I’m still trying to figure it out and adjust.

And here we are…

I am writing this on Day 12 of quarantine/isolation/social distancing from the coronavirus.

So, speaking of figuring things out and trying to adjust, this is the perfect time to do that.

Although, if I am completely and brutally honest, this has been hard on my mental game.

I love alone time.

In fact, in the midst of working 50 hour weeks, that’s all I want to do in my free time.

But, here I am, forced to stay inside and isolate, and it’s not by choice.

It has been doing a number on this girl’s mental game.

Yesterday, for example, I had so much screen time that by the end of the night I felt like my eyes were popping out of my head and brain had turned into complete mush.

There was a moment of panic because I was physically feeling those effects and mentally, I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do.

Panic set in because I was bored and my brain just wanted to give up.

Thankfully, I picked up a hard copy book and that settled things down and I had a great night’s sleep.

So, I really want to know, how have you been mentally through all of this?

Me?

Overall, it has been rough. I waver between feelings of productivity and almost euphoria of being able to spend all of this time on myself to moments of despair, insanity, negativity all wrapped up into one. 

Because of the unknown, because of this overwhelming burden, I feel on my shoulders (maybe the collective conscious of fear), and when I forget to breathe and remain present in my being, moments of what can only be described as cabin fever.

I guess that’s the best synopsis of my life in quarantine.

Because I’m interrupting the control series with this timely episode about the virus and how I’m dealing with it, it makes me think about control.

The whole theme with the control series, here on the blog, is that whether we know it or not, no matter what side of the spectrum we are on, codependency is a lot about control.

We tend to make choices, about ourselves, about who we hang out with, about what we do, about how we feel (again, whether we know it or not), because we are trying to control our situation.

If we feel shitty about ourselves, we try to control our situation and others to make ourselves feel better.

Intuitively, I know this doesn’t make much sense, but this is only one layer of the onion.

Layers under are insecurity, shame, fear, family, background, past traumas, etc., much of what I’m trying to unravel (for myself) in my life’s work.

So, my question is, on top of these codependent characteristics, how are you feeling about the lack of control that you have right now?

Being forced to stay home, not being able to work perhaps and struggling financially because of that?

And what can we do if we are struggling? To at least control our mental attitude. And do what we can to control what we actually can control?

And how that might be helpful in the time of this coronavirus crisis?

Personally, I think that my codependency has been triggered by this lack of control from a more societal and holistic perspective.

But, if you are listening and you’re thinking that you may be in a codependent relationship that could be spouse, partner, friend, daughter, etc. how are you feeling?

This sudden change of situation can be hard on both parties, but if I had to guess, one person in the codependent relationship is not dealing with it as you would.

Maybe not communicating well?

Maybe being overly dramatic and unpractical?

Maybe reverting to alcohol, drugs, shopping, or food?

Or, maybe even that’s you?

Maybe not sharing a lot of responsibilities?

Maybe at the beginning, it was fun because it was different and time together, but now, it’s turned soured somehow?

If any of those things rang true, I’m going to pause here, so you can mentally or physically take a note.

Breathe.

This is a time for reflection, if you are feeling out of balance right now, please note it. 

Write it down and if you feel so compelled, revisit it later and ask yourself why you might be feeling that way?

Ask yourself…..

I repeat, ask yourself….

Don’t ask it of the other person, that’s the old codependency pattern that we are breaking here.

If there is a theme about today’s blob and about coronavirus and what we are going through together, but also far apart it is about control and a little bit about love.

The above exercise is just a small piece of control, you CAN help your mindset although you cannot help what’s happening in the world.

It VERY MUCH is stressful there is no doubting that because we cannot control what’s waiting for us in the future.

And, it’s about love, for yourself first, so, when you feel yourself out of balance or out of alignment, whether you are in quarantine with yourself, your family, or just your significant other, please take the time to love yourself.

Throughout the blog, I have listed out my tools for self-love, but I encourage you to explore and find your own, you are worth it, Magnificent Soul, we all are.

I’ll be back when I’m back, I am hoping for weekly now that I have more time to focus, but I’ll let it flow.

Much love to you all, Magnificent Souls and if you need a place to write and let go, the Epiphany Vault is a safe place you can do that.

💗Livin and Lovin💗

Lilli