Denial

Denial was my best friend for a long time.
Sometimes I knew I was in denial, sometimes I didn’t.
But denial was a big part of me just trying to get by.

A sad truth is that people can live their whole lives in denial.
I have people close to me who are there.

But, for me, the spiral of spiritual & physical death crept too close.
It showed up & crashed into me & wouldn’t be silenced anymore.

So, I started to learn more…..

The pattern of denial showed up for me when I would convince myself of things that in my heart, I knew not to be true. (IE. I would have married him if he would have asked although it wouldn’t have been in my highest good.)

The pattern of denial showed up for me when I denied myself pleasure & love by being too much to everyone else & nothing to myself.

The pattern of denial showed up for me when I would try external things to make me happy. (IE. The “great” job, the “great” company, the “great” body, the next “great” idea.)

I had a hard time distinguishing denial from faith & hope.

Here’s what I’ve learned:
Denial is insidious & seeps into your pores.
Denial makes you feel worthless, sad, & disconnected from yourself.

Faith & hope feel calm & connected.
Faith & hope feel like purpose.
Faith & hope feel like nervous excitement in all the best ways.

The subtle difference between denial & faith can be hard if you are disconnected from yourself or if you are constantly in your head…… that’s why relationships hurt so bad.

You really, genuinely, may not know what & who is good for you right now & if that’s you, that’s okay.

Here’s what I want to propose:
Your heart knows.
You just may be holding some emotional blocks that need to be released & healed.
That’s how you open your heart to know.

Then you will know how to be guided by your heart & not be hurt.
Then you will know how to live your life on purpose.
Then you will know how to have all of the love in relationship that you want so badly.

That’s what healing does.
It opens & creates space for all of the goodness that you deserve.

I’m so here for it.
Are you?

In big love,
💗Lilli