Leveling Up ⬆️

Greetings Magnificent Souls to the Attract Health Build Wealth Podcast where we have open and honest discussions about ourselves. 

This is a place where we breakdown, breakaway, and breakthrough codependency allowing ourselves to attract health, build wealth, and live a peaceful life. ☮️

We are tired of being sick and tired. We are tired, but we are not giving up. We KNOW that there is something magnificent inside of us.

Because we are fighting daily, hourly, and by the minute: fighting ourselves, our kids, our spouses, we have to do things differently. 

We have to break the cycle. We don’t have a million chances. We have to be happy, NOW. We have to find a way. So how do we do that? How is that possible?

If you look around at what society is telling you, they’d tell you that what we’re doing is impossible. 

Yet, it’s happening. 

✅Every. 

✅Single. 

✅Day. 

It’s happening through the practice and love that we call Awakening the Magnificent Soul.

We are all Magnificent Souls, and these are our stories of healing!

Today, in Episode 34, I have been thinking a lot lately about  leveling up, about getting better in every aspect of my life and why, if I’m honest, I might feel tremendous weight (like debilitating weight) when actually trying to take the steps that will help me get there. So, I wanted to talk today about that and perhaps some strategies that have been working for me to give myself the best the I deserve, even though I’m not used to it, or I’m trained not to.

But, before we get into the discussion, don’t forget to let me know your thoughts about this episode, any feedback you have, or anything you’d like me to cover on future podcasts at epiphanyvault.com

Remember, you can share anonymously; it is a safe place and I would welcome the discussion.

A moment to express to you my thanks to those listeners that have been entering in to the Epiphany Vault. In fact, I’d like to share what Joey, a listener, wrote. He says, "In all my years of self searching, recovery, addiction, just life, period, I am waking up within and actually recognizing I've been codependent all this time and in this awareness alone, I can walk a little more freely.”

Thanks for writing in Joey. I hope you have found strength in recognizing your codependency. It sounds like you have.

I have been there and I know others out there have as well. Thank you for sharing.

Now, on to today’s topic. This subject came to mind when I was reading a meditation book called the Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie. Here is where you can find the book but I thought I might read the excerpt here and then discuss my thoughts about it.

So, here goes:

“We deserve the best life and love have to offer, but we are each faced with the challenge of learning to identify what that means in our life. We must each come to grips with our own understanding of what we believe we deserve, what we want, and whether we are receiving it. There is only one place to start, and that is right where we are, in our current circumstances. The place we begin is with us. What hurts? What makes us angry? What are we whining and complaining about? Are we discounting how much a particular behavior is hurting us? Are we making excuses for the other person, telling ourselves we’re “too demanding”? Are we reluctant, for a variety of reasons, especially fear, to tackle the issues in our relationships that may be hurting us? Do we know what’s hurting us and do we know that we have a right to stop our pain, if we want to do that? We can begin the journey from deprived to deserving. We can start it today. We can also be patient and gentle with ourselves, as we travel in important increments from believing we deserve second best, to knowing in our hearts that we deserve the best, and taking responsibility for that. Today, I will pay attention to how I allow people to treat me, and how I feel about that. I will also watch how I treat others. I will not overreact by taking their issues too personally and too seriously; I will not underreact by denying that certain behaviors are inappropriate and not acceptable to me.”

There’s a lot to discuss here and in my opinion, a lot of what she writes here makes sense.

Intuitively, yes, I know that I deserve the best in life.

Of course, everyone does. 

If someone asked you, you listener or you watching out there, if you deserve the best that life and love had to offer. What would you answer?

Yes, of course.

If you would answer no, I think that takes a certain kind of bravery to own up to that truth.

But, the part that doesn’t make sense to me is that why sometimes I make decisions that do not propel me forward but only hold me back. Decisions that will never end up as the best scenario for me.

I think my codependent relationship was a good example of that. 🤷🏻‍♀️

So, what I’m thinking is maybe it’s just not that simple. Just being deserving of life and love, it’s not as easy as that.

I think that’s why so many of us are stuck in a codependent spiral. If we answer the first question, yes, I do deserve the best, better, and more, but then we make decisions that hold us down or back, how does that make us feel about ourselves?

Shameful?

100%

We feel shame because deep down we know what’s good or what’s bad. We know.

Oh yes, we know.

Then, why?

Why can’t we just do it?

The fact that we can’t leave that person. The fact that I feel like shit all the time. The fact that I just can’t seem to grow a backbone.

💡This realization is shame. And time after time, as we don’t (and sometimes can’t) stick up for ourselves, it only makes us feel worse about ourselves.

I can tell you something that’s been coming up here lately for me. As we have talked about with my recovery, I have been working very hard on myself, my relationships, my goals and ambitions.

And, in some of those respects, I feel like I am hitting a wall. Am I scared of succeeding? Am I fearful of what’s on the other side of that wall?

Why would that be? 

Is it because it is something I can’t control?

Or is because I really deep down don’t think I deserve it?

I think it could be all of those.

In some ways, codependency in all of its unhealthy iterations is organized chaos.

Even though deathly unhealthy, it is predictable and it wears you down.

Your self-worth muscle weakens and you forget how to be healthy and loving to yourself.💗

Most draw that sought after health and love from others, external things, drugs, alcohol, food, etc. instead of within themselves.

As long as it took to hone that unhealthy codependent muscle, it will take time to reverse that trend.

If that makes any sense at all, that is why I think that succeeding (in life, love and relationships) may feel wrong.

Why sometimes you may get nervous when making those level up decisions.

And going back to what the author wrote, I think that if you have listened this far in this podcast, you are on the right track.

⚠️Be prepared to feel fear and to feel shame.⚠️

That’s how we got here in the first place, but recognizing that we have this problem is the first step.

The next step that I took in my journey. I dove and I dove DEEP into books and podcasts and youtube videos. Anything about codependency, self-love.

Then, started dissecting and taking stock on my life and how codependency has manifested for me. I used a journal. I think that’s what the author encourages as well. Feel free to use the Epiphany Vault for this if you’d like.

We all deserve to level up. We deserve to feel the best for ourselves FIRST and others second.

We are all worth it. I whole heartedly believe this: for me and for you.

I’m going to end it for now, see you next time.

Livin’ & Lovin’ 💗

Lilli